On Praying for My Inner Critics
This post is a reflection of January’s Liturgy of the Month. Give it a look here before reading this post.
What’s your relationship with your inner critics like? For some of us, it’s a journey to get to the point where we can acknowledge their existence. That inner belief of not-enough-ness isn’t just an objective truth, it’s a judgement. Beyond that, it’s a judgement coming at me from within. From a part that seems to be an internal saboteur. Some might appropriately call it an inner Judas. Betrayer. Traitor. And I think Dante was onto something when he reserved the innermost circle of hell for perpetrators of such treachery.
What do we do with these parts? I suspect the most common advice is to “stop listening to that voice.” We’re told to ignore it. To reject it.
“It’s an imprint of your judgemental parent.”
“It’s the devil!”
“It’s just your fear trying to hold you back.”
Whatever it is, it’s not you, and it’s not good. It deserves to be shut down, ignored, dismissed, rejected. Pretend it’s not there.
For those that have turned to that strategy - has it worked?
I’ve found so much more goodness in the recognition that we are called to be a people of reconciliation, not fragmentation - and that includes our inner community, as well! Christ’s love extends to all of us, and Christ’s call to us is to love as Christ does.
So that brings up the question this liturgy asks - how do I love and forgive the parts of me that I’d rather toss into Dante’s Ninth Circle of Hell?
Too harsh?
It’s not easy to make friends with parts that have caused you pain, or maybe even caused others pain. Sabotaged relationships. Pushed others away, hurting them before they could hurt me, because I’m not worth their time. Just a burden.
This work, growing in compassionate curiosity has been at the core of my healing work. Some wrestle with applying this to others - my biggest struggle is turning it inward. That first step - even being open to facing these parts of us we hide, we loathe, we try to wish away… with an open hand and an open mind - that first step is the biggest and scariest.
I’ve heard this work called shadow work. Parts work. My friend Marty calls it, “taking your dragons to tea.” The realization that our parts - even those that seem to be our enemy - are for us can be life-changing. Those harsh critics are trying to take care of you, protect you, shield you, push you, and they typically came into being after a particularly painful time that they don’t want you to feel the pain of ever again.
What might it look like to invite the Holy Spirit into your inner dialogue, to make a bit of space for your critics not to be their punching bag, but to be a compassionate healer?
If you’re looking to do this work, I strongly recommend seeking out a licensed therapist to do this work with you. You can ask your doctor for a referral, or head to a site like Psychology Today to search for local therapists that may be a good fit for you and your journey of healing and growth.
